Have you ever lost control of your life? When it felt like you were continually running against the current without an end in sight? You felt that you’d lost yourself somewhere in the chaos of it all?
Believe me, I’ve been there. After being in relationship after relationship of hurt and disappointment, I woke up one day and wondered how I had let myself get to that point. I was so afraid of where I was and had no idea how to get out of what I’d built myself into. The world seemed to be crashing down, everywhere I looked there was destruction. I had let myself support and live with someone who was abusive, toxic and lethal to everything I had ever dreamed my life would’ve been. Without getting into all the details: he brought me down, allowed me to feed his destructive habits by holding on to the negative in my life, and countless other unfavorable experiences.
He was not the first. It was a pattern I noticed of myself. Every man I allowed in my life, dare I say almost every person in my life, created an environment that encouraged the turmoil that encompassed me.
At this point, I decided the only thing I could do to straighten my life out was to pack up as much as I could and leave my former life behind. I didn’t know where I would go or what I would do, but I thought it was the most correct decision I could make at that point. As much as I wanted to literally do that, it wasn’t a realistic option. I had two perfect little boys, a career, and a well established life. So, again, I realized I was stuck in this life I created.
I weighed out as many options as I could think of as to how I could improve the situation I was in. I thought I could try to further force the man in my life to be what I wanted him to be, to keep my happy like he was supposed to. To make sure I was taken care of just like I took care of everything for him…….
And then it dawned on me. Why was it his responsibility to keep me happy? How could he take care of me if he couldn’t take care of himself? And, most importantly, why was I taking care of him if I wasn’t taking care of myself?
If you don’t have yourself, you don’t have anyone. That one thought was the key to my freedom. It allowed me to understand so much more and realize that I was worth everything I ever dreamed. It set me free and helped me understand I could do anything I set my mind to. I didn’t need anyone else to make me happy, to love me, or to take care of me. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks to be alone. But, in reality, how can we be deserving of anyone else’s time or love if we don’t love ourselves and appreciate our own time?
Imagine the possibilities that open up when we learn to love ourselves. Imagine how perfect life could be if we didn’t depend on everyone else to keep us happy, safe, and feeling like we’re enough. This life is an ongoing journey, always moving and always flowing. It’s our choice how we take on the challenges that we have in our lives. So why not take the chance and make the most out of the lives we were given? Don’t take my word for it. Go out and experience it for yourself.
The best part about all of this, is that this is perfect. I am doing my best all the time. This is my life, this is exactly how I want to be living it.
